So Wolf commented on my last post that there was a difference between claiming a goal, and *working*/doing what you need to do in order to accomplish it. Extremely true.
Since my first post full of enthusiasm, I really haven't done much. The idea behind writing this blog and making it public was that I would be honest with myself. I'm also bipolar- while that is not an excuse for not doing anything, it obviously affects my life and decisions. When I am down.. which is a lot lately, being unemployed and not in school-it's difficult to make good decisions for myself. Sitting at the computer is so much easier.
That being said, I took a step forward and made plans with my sister to go to the local lake once a week. I can swim for HOURS on end. It doesn't hurt my back or knees/ankles, and it's good for me.
Today I swam for over three hours. Last Saturday I only swam for an hour; however, the water was too cold for most people. I did not want to leave my boyfriend alone.
Speaking of, Chris pointed out to me that I comment almost nonstop on my weight and how it does/doesn't "allow" me to do things. He asked me if I was so concerned, why wasn't I acting on it?
It's something that is true. The truth sucks sometimes. I always have plans, get enthusiastic, then never act.
This is my area to be truthful as I said. I want to lose over 100 pounds. I am starting. I have lost weight before. This time I want to keep it off. I want to have a healthy life, where I don't automatically distrust thinner girls because I know they are judging me automatically. I'm judging them in reality.
Rambling sometimes has a purpose. Thanks to those who have read this- whether you had a negative reaction or not; you are one of the people helping me move forward.
I think being honest with one's self it more difficult than being honest with complete strangers. We know who we are inside and it takes great strength and courage to be able to face ourselves.
ReplyDeleteEven when I was thin, I didn't judge overweight girls, because I knew that I could be just like them some day. And now, I am. I get aggravated too, about my own health and weight. One of the things I do, that I found helps with my angst is to see me for what I look like. I look in the mirror and I say.. "You know, there's a wonderful guy who loves me..no matter what I look like on the outside." It changes how I see me. If he sees something worthy in me, then I should too. :) *huggs* I know this isn't going to be an easy road for you, but just so you know, I'm here if you ever need a listening ear.
Wow, I can definitely relate to what you're saying... I've struggled with depression since I was a kid, and for me, I think it makes it harder to get out there and be active when I want to stay inside, and hide from the world...
ReplyDeleteAnd also, when a guy seems interested in me, I think "what's wrong with me? Why does he want someone that's fat???" Total body and self esteem issues that I think go along with losing weight and getting healthy, mentally and physically! I'm definitely still working on it!
Good Luck to you!!!! :)